Against the S+ Sloshing Machine in Squad Splat Zones (12-9, Tri-slosher)

31st August 2017 – 7.00 pm

We have an S+ inkling in this squad battle. He's on the other team, with a Sloshing Machine. I like the ranking system because it pits me against inklings of a similar skill level. I don't much like squad battles (and smurfing) because of how this can subvert the ranking system and have my being squished like a bug by the better player. But I can only do my best, so let's see how I do.

Ah, I am splatted like a big by the Sloshing Machine. Not a great start, but it could just be how I often rush in to trouble at the start of battles. Indeed, despite my dodgy Disruptor throw, I manoeuvre towards the Splat Zones well enough, and although I am then out-manoeuvred at the Splat Zones, my Bubbler kicks in to keep me alive. And when the Sloshing Machine runs in to me, and despite the Defence Up kit he's wearing, I sneak the splat.

We capture the Splat Zones after that, which is good. I push up to ink as much turf as I can, but I run in to the Sloshing Machine again, and actual run in to it, which ends up badly. We've taken the lead, though! I head down the side to provide some support, stumbling through one encounter, and sneaking around the back for a more comfortable splat. My Bubbler doesn't help me like I had hoped, but I still stay unsplatted for longer than I should, which is good.

There's a decent tussle over the Splat Zones for a bit, until the blue team look to become quite dominant. I head down the side for some protection, just as the Sloshing Machine is trying to cut off that avenue. My little bucket beats the Machine this time, thanks to some cover, and I nearly get a quad-splat, but only manage an assist with the fourth. Not too shabby, though, and we can recapture the Splat Zones.

The Sloshing Machine gets some quick revenge, as I do what he tried to do. Maybe we should both learn from this. I head back down the same way, and jink to avoid Sloshing attentions, thinking I'm being clever to do so, but only running in to a Bubblered inkling. Still, I press on, surprise in my favour, but it's not the Sloshing Machine who is surprise, and so I get splatted anyway.

I take the side route again, as it's been so good for me, and jink this way and that to throw the blue team off. I think it works, as I get three splats out of it, and help to neutralise the Splat Zones. It's probably predictable to go the same way yet again, so head down the other side, where I beat the Sloshing Machine to the Splat Zones, and slosh upwards for a decent splat, before foolishly squidding in to some nasty crossfire.

I go the first route again, needing to help recover the Splat Zones as the battle enters extra time. Unfortunately, I run in to an inkling with a Bubbler ready to be popped, plus two of her friends. I become a puddle of blue ink, and by the time I'm ready to rejoin, the battle is effectively lost. I'm not making it to the Splat Zones in time to help, so I compose myself for the defeat.

It was a good battle. But look at those results. The Sloshing Machine was splatted only four times (all four of those splats were by me, as it happens), and got thirteen splats. That just emphasises why the ranking system is in place, and what happens when you intentionally work around it.

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