Holding the turf in Splat Zones [9(3)-1, Tri-slosher]

5th January 2018 – 7.00 am

That first Burst Bomb is just getting my eye in, ignore it. It clearly works too, as I slosh effectively in and around the Splat Zones for a bit, getting a couple of splats and an assist before testing the Tri-slosher's range against the Splat Dualies. I would say it's a tie.

Everything is so blue that Beakon looks like a good option to get back quickly. Things change, though, and I have to sit on the edge of the Splat Zones as yellow ink flies in. It looks like the Jet Squelcher is sitting on the obvious perch and causing trouble. I would try to do something about it, maybe with Burst Bombs, but he foolishly drops down in to the path of my bucket instead. That'll do.

A bit more sloshing here and there, using the high ground of the Splat Zones, and the yellow team are splatted back again and again, and, before I realise it, we've won the battle. Woomy!

Fighting back the purple menace in Splat Zones [11(1)-4, Tri-slosher]

4th January 2018 – 7.00 pm

An aggressive move towards the Splat Zones is not quite what it seems. I just want to see what's happening from a good position, which is what I get. Sitting back once there lets me move opportunistically, whilst I also get a bit lucky when moving forwards to avoid ink lapping at my back. I narrowly miss getting four opening splats too, but you can't have everything.

Our early lead is soon lost, and the purple team push past the Splat Zones to make our attempts to restore the rightful lead awkward. With a bit of cunning, and using my weapons wisely, I manage to sneak in to the Splat Zones, but don't quite manage to activate my Ink Armour to help consolidate my position. Back to square one.

I try a different tack, and take the right flank, right up the ramp, to jump across the grate, hopefully going unnoticed. It works. I splat a couple of the purple inklings in the back, and help capture the Splat Zones. I nearly splat an advance purple inkling, but can't turn quickly enough before his Curling Bombs splat me. My squidmates are then overwhelmed by the returning inklings.

Purple ink is everywhere again. This is untenable. A bit of height, some preliminary sloshing, and a little cunning lets me take a hit and give a splat, my Ink Armour also helping my squidmates to re-capture the Splat Zones. With that done, it's really worth tidying up the purple mess, to stop them getting such free movement on our side of the stage.

It's back around the side, the left flank this time, and a bit of luck helps me slosh at just the right time to avoid being splatted. That purple inkling may have done better re-approaching from a different angle. Now it's our turn to ink the other side of the stage.

The purple team come back, and I only find out they've hit our flank when Curling Bombs come skidding from behind me. My squidmates are on that, though, and I return the favour by splatting the Inkjet. And that is the battle, our ownership of the Splat Zones gauged to be superior. Woomy!

For the want of one egg in Salmon Run [20-15-12, 12/646]

4th January 2018 – 7.00 am

Argh, the Nozzlenose! Well, I suppose firing it is much like the Tri-slosher, otherwise is a shooter-cum-Squiffer. Maybe Mr Grizz will be the one who makes me appreciate it. Or maybe not, with the skies darkening in the first wave in the Lost Outpost, which I'm barely familiar with. And it's a Goldie wave, which really isn't that easy, the little bugger hiding in the drains.

I remember that the collecting the Golden Eggs is the role that gets neglected the most when hunting Goldie, so I make a point of picking them up instead of chasing Goldie for more. And luckily so do my squidmates. We make quote after finding Goldie twice. Now, if only my squidmates realised that we could just sit back for thirty-five seconds. But never mind, surviving Goldie is simple enough, and we get a few more Golden Eggs for Mr Grizz.

The Splash-o-matic I can use, and I know where low-tide is in the Outpost. Everything goes relatively smoothly for a while too, and I get a bit of luck when a second Maws chases me soon after a first, as a salmonid smacks me out of being stuck in Maws's ink. It lets me deliver the egg I'm carrying, but I go right back and get stuck in the ink again. So it goes. Jumping across the murky water to get some distant eggs seems like a good idea, until I turn around and see two squidmates in rubber rings, but it all works out.

Splat Charger for me for the third wave, low tide again, and a Cohock wave. That means cannons! I'm not the only inkling who likes the cannons, and realising that we need to collect the eggs, I let my squidmate have the pleasure of manning the cannon and go wandering. It looks like a good strategy, right up until Cohocks block one path and a Stinger is gunning for me. I try to get to a cannon to add some firepower, but I'm stung just before I clamber in.

We only need two more Golden eggs to complete the wave, and there are three near the basket. I head that way, trying to avoid incoming ink, but get stuck just close enough to a Steelhead's bomb to be splatted again. I can see the basket in front of me, my Nozzlenose squidmate inks her way over me, but my rubber ring doesn't appear in time to let me be revived.

One Golden Egg away from completing the run. So close.

The quick and the splatted in Splat Zones [16(6)-1, Splattershot Jr]

3rd January 2018 – 7.00 pm

I get a bit lucky against the Aerospray looking for me, but luckier still when the Jet Squelcher drops next to me. I don't think he saw me. The Roller is a gift, though, and I finish off the set by venturing in to the Splat Zones, before cycling back to the start of the splats. Am I actually invisible? I hope not, that would be unfair.

I help capture the Splat Zones before looking for opportunity, and aim for the Dualie Squelchers. I am lucky to get away from his dashing, but soon find myself in much more trouble amidst a Curling Bomb Rush and two other inklings.

The turf stays mostly blue, though, so I tidy up around the edges before holding a decent position and watching for incursions. Nothing goes particularly wrong, although I find myself looking for splats when the Splat Zones, right under my feet, have been neutralised. But it all works out.

I'm not even left wanting for splats at the end of the battle. As a team, we splat away all the yellow inklings in or super-jumping to the Splat Zones moments before we win the knockout victory. Woomy!

Doing pretty good in S-rank Rainmaker [6(1)-0, Splattershot Jr]

3rd January 2018 – 7.00 am

I don't think I'm an S-rank player, but I've worked my way up here in Rainmaker. I get overwhelmed for my first couple of battles, but am encouraged when I drop back in to more of a support role in a battle that sadly didn't get recorded. I pull my socks up and try again, this time making sure I'm recording. It goes pretty well.

I'm not buoyed by one squidmate apparently not joining immediately, hence my looking back, but he perks up soon enough. I'm inking the edges so that I don't rush in to trouble for no reason, and to get my Ink Armour ready. It also lets me get in to a reasonable position when the Rainmaker is moved.

I keep hitting the edges for now, just inking turf and lobbing opportunistic Splat Bombs, and my squidmates do the heavy lifting. They push the Rainmaker in to a solid lead, and I'm behind them to clear up a flanking inkling and hold the Rainmaker's position. I do a good job of it too, and am a mobile Beakon for my squidmates.

With my squidmates around me, and the Rainmaker burst free, my confidence is bolstered to aim for the podium. I get some excellent support, and the podium inked, to get a Rainmaker dunk in S-rank. Woomy!

Coming from behind in Rainmaker [5(1)-1, Splattershot Jr]

2nd January 2018 – 7.00 pm

This is a cautionary tale. Do not leave the Rainmaker unattended next to your podium covered in the ink of your opponents.

That is all. Apart from: can I get a Woomy!

Not quite reaching the goal in Tower Control [10(2)-3, Tri-slosher]

2nd January 2018 – 7.00 am

I dawdle a little off the base, on purpose, so I am not splatted needlessly. I suppose my first splatting isn't needless, but I am quite out-manoeuvred by the Hero Dualie Replicas. My defensive game is a little weak, as is my attack. I drop off the stage, under the Inkjet's exhaust, and am splatted again. How embarrassing.

But maybe my luck is turning. I sensibly hang on the wall as the Tenta Missiles fly in, and get a good Burst Bomb throw for my first splat. Falling off the stage works to my advantage this time as well, letting me avoid the Splashdown and slosh upwards to get the splat instead. Nice!

I get a bit confused as the Tower moves to the other side of the stage, and settling with staying unsplatted and inking turf. My squidmates seem to be doing well without me anyway. And once they are splatted away, I've managed to get in to the right place to splat two purple inklings off the Tower, and although I don't quite manage to stick to the Tower, I splat a third inkling who has the same trouble.

My inking lets me activate Ink Armour, and shortly afterwards the fourth purple inkling rolls around in to my sloshing. This is going better. I even somehow manage not to get splatted when stuck half-way up a wall, and slink away somewhat aimlessly to heal.

Once better, I come back to the sponge and push ahead aggressively. It gets me splatted, but it seems like a good distraction. My squidmates take advantage of it if it was, and push the Tower to the goal as I wait to reappear at our base. Respawn Punisher helped, but stops me celebrating at the goal.

Going ahead in Tower Control [7(3)-2, Tri-slosher]

1st January 2018 – 7.00 pm

I've got to practice more with the Tri-slosher. It is my favourite weapon, second only to the Carbon Roller, but these new conditions are shaking my confidence. Only the Splattershot Jr gives me reliable results at the moment. I probably just need practice. So here we are. I try to be sensible to start, which keeps me unsplatted for a while, but failing to notice the green ink coming to flank us comes back to splat me.

My return is confidence-boosting, splatting an Inkjet, but I perhaps run with that too soon. I'm splatted by a Tri-slosher on the Tower. Some simple maintenance next ends up with my chasing an inkling backwards, but at least they ran and gave me a chance, rather than turning and splatting me quickly.

My inking lets me activate Ink Armour, and as my squidmates are pushing the Tower I try to take advantage of both by hopping across to the green side. That works quite well, although I can't quite tell if the sound I hear is my destroying a Sprinkler or hitting an inkling. Even so, an inkling appears, but somehow ducks under my sloshed ink, and the best I do is damage him. And I survive.

The Tower keeps moving, I get more Ink Armour, and go around for another circuit. This time I splat an inkling coming my way, before giving chase to another. I don't catch him, but get in to a good position, and one a green inkling clearly doesn't expect me to be.

I nearly catch another inkling flying around the corner, but before I can give chase the Tower hits the goal. Woomy!

Stealing the dunk in Rainmaker [15(7)-4, Splattershot Jr]

1st January 2018 – 7.00 am

I do some general inking to start the battle, making it easier for us to move around and try to end up in a beneficial position for whatever happens with the Rainmaker. The teal team grab it, and I accidentally squid through a grating, but it mostly works out. We have some nice turf inked, and we hold the teal team to a minor early lead.

Those two assists that look to be nothing to do with me are because of the Ink Armour, so I have learnt. I'm pretty sure I deserve them anyway. And those splats by my squidmates open up the opportunity for my moving the Rainmaker, and I aim for the short-cut. So do the teal team, and I don't quite wait for the Splashdown to clear the path.

Our position looks strong, and there's a Beakon that looks good to me. I super-jump there, and retreat from an Inkjet by hitting the flank, which drops me on the teal Rainmaker trying to advance. That'll do. I make another dash up the side, but am stopped again, my Rainmaker blasts not quite accurate or quick enough. So it goes.

I am perhaps a little cautious approaching the Rainmaker from below, but only because I've been splatted by the shield exploding so many times. I nearly manage to jink to the side, but get bounced back down, so settle with letting the teal team grab the Rainmaker and splatting it again. I try to forge a path ahead, but am really pushing my luck.

A super-jump back to support the next push is partially successful, in that I get a triple-splat, but am splatted in the process. I try to rush back to join in the celebrations, but the Rainmaker is lost just short of the podium. I try to keep the ink flowing, but I soon realise I don't actually know where the Rainmaker is.

I drop down to get my bearings and find the Rainmaker, and with the entire teal team splatted away, rush to burst the Rainmaker free. It's perhaps a little selfish, but I aim to squid through the shield's explosion as quickly as possible and nab the Rainmaker to get the dunk, and it works! Woomy!

Worth it for the end in Rainmaker [7(3)-5, Splattershot Jr]

31st December 2017 – 7.00 pm

Holy crap, my aim is bad. The Rainmaker is under my nose, but it still takes me two minutes to splat him. I really need to work on this, but it seems like practice just isn't enough. So it goes, at least I still have fun being bad. And I'm not stacking Quick Respawn, so I have that going for me.

The best I can do on my return is stall the purple team a bit, but that's not a bad result, particularly considering my next outing, where I fail to spot an uninkable patch of wall quickly enough. How embarrassing. But lesson learnt! My squidmates are doing better, which isn't saying much, but they have pushed the Rainmaker in to the lead. Nice! I drop in to mid-distance support to try to be helpful.

I start being a little helpful, but that goes awry when I try to hit the purple team's flank. They push when I move around, and when I try to chase I hit a stage light, then bounce a Splat Bomb off of it. The purple team re-take the lead, and I feel a bit useless. Victory doesn't look promising from here, but I take point and ink a path to the podium, if only to remind myself of one definite route.

We get the Rainmaker away from our podium, and hold the purple team close to their side of the stage. I hit the flank and seem to go unnoticed, and as the Rainmaker is burst with no inklings to be seen, I sneakily grab it and make a run. One blast gives me a nice path, and I nearly make the jump up the ramp to steal the lead. It's not quite redemption, but I'm feeling better about my contribution.

The purple team get the Rainmaker back to the stage, and I lob a Splat Bomb under its explosion in case of a swift pick-up. But no one grabs the Rainmaker, so again I decide to see what I can do with it. This time, the first path I reconnoitred is available. I hit a small purple patch, but just about get clear. And with purple ink tickling my heels, I make a dash up the block.

My squidmates do a bang-up job of splatting the purple inklings and keeping them occupied, Only one chases me, but I have a good head start. One blast from the Rainmaker inks my path, and a squid and a jump later I dunk the Rainmaker. Woomy!